Quotable Quotes from my Life - 2nd Edition.

In continuation with Quotable Quotes from my Life, on popular demand!

Oh alright, only a handful of people asked for it, but I like to show off that way!

Anyway. Here goes:

Avanika/ Me/ A: Can you imagine the amount of hairfall cave women must have had without them shampoos and conditioners and clean water supplies! Yikes!

Pavan: Hmm. I am not surprised. You totally  have a knack of grossing me out at times. 

A: No think about it, they had Nothing. I am surprised they had the appetite to make love and reproduce. How dirty would they be no? Plus, they descended from Apes, so hairy, eek!

Pavan: Thanks for painting that wonderful picture in my head. I can proudly say that you disgust me!

A: You're welcome. And oh, be a man!

Pavan: Grotesque filthy women shedding hair totally turn me off, thus I am a man. 

A: Oohh, someone got Thesaurus on their phone!

Pavan: Avan.. 

A: Gah, I have no mushy feelings for him, no.

Eshank : Avanika and Mushy feelings... Lions may start giving birth to Zebras from their a**h***, but Avanika and mushy feelings in the same sentence is just outrageous!

-----

Okay I just realised that could have sounded worse than I intended it to..

A : Are you crazy! It was hilarious! I am lmao!

A: Dude, so pissing off! One of these days, I will really punch you in the face!

Neha: Ladki is kamzor shareer pe mat ja, I am a Robocop from within! 

A: Hahaha, abey chal!

A: Yeah, we have all those CAs and CFAs..

Anurag: Okay, I know what CAs are, what the hell are CFAs?! Chartered Fu***** Accountants! 

Ismail : You know, till the time we have each other in our lives, we won't even give the others a fair chance.. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not like I am implying that you have others to begin with.

A : Really? In the middle of such a serious conversation!

Ismail: : D

A: I am watching Titanic.
Pavan: And why are you watching Titanic and probably crying your eyes out? Not to mention thinking about me!
A: Well Titanic, because it's on TV. And you, because you're always on a ship.
Pavan: Hmm.. Fascinating though. What could prompt a catastrophically emotionally deranged kid like yourself to watch such a romantic classic?
A: Haw. : (

A: Monu! If you piss me off one more time, kasam Ganga maiya ki, udhed ke rakh dungi!

Aditya: Paahahahahahahha! Where the hell did that come from!

A: Okay, let's go on the stage and look our calm, composed, sophisticated best. 

Benny : You have seven slides okay.

A:  Ai SHAPATH!! I thought there were three!!!

Benny : (Lhao) Okay seriously, where do these come from?!

A: Aaarggggh! Sasuri ka naati! De ghumaayikee!!!

Monu, Benny, Ashish - Avu!! What the!!!  *ROFL*

(As is tradition, I forgot to wish one of my closest friend Varun on his birthday. This conversation took place three months after I finally messaged him, needless to say he was really really pissed off. )
A: So how mad at me are you?
Varun: Can you measure such a thing? I don't know a proper unit to measure feelings.
A: Course you can! Do you want to throw coffee in my face, punch me, or throw a rock in my face?
Varun: None, it's okay. I'll never hit a woman. Even if it's You.
A: Touche.
Varun: I have a more easier weapon, indifference.
A: More easy"
Varun: Are you seriously correcting my Grammer right now?
A: Grammar"
Varun: Thanks for that! It was nice talking to you about such heartfelt issues after so much time!
A: Arrey senti mat ho yaar! Chal milte hain kal, teri birthday treat bhi toh baaki hai.
Varun: Dream on about the treat! DREAM ON!!

(Mangalam and I, discussing how we hate taking pictures.)

Megha - So Raghav, what profile of yourself do you like better? Left or right?

A (to Mangalam): I bet he knows the answer to that. 

Raghav: Left profile.

Managalam and I: Aha! *Hi5*

A: Let's go there na instead!
Kushi: No, we are not going there!
A: Aa aa ee, uu uu oh, mera dil.. na todo..
Kushi: Avi.. matlab..
A: : D


A - Dude, either I got that statement wrong, or you are a total Douche. 
Vishal - What the hell does douche mean?
A - Douche, as in douche, douchebag, pronounced as Doosh.
Vishal - I still don't know what that means. 
A - Lol, let's just leave it to that and stick to you being an ass, are we good? 
Vishal - Me an ass? You're mean.
A - Wtf! How demanding! Would you want to be a Thigh instead!
Vishal - Thigh! Oh F**k! Hahahahahaha!!!!!!

Madhavi - I have orange nailpaint! You want to see?

A: Yes!

*sends photo*

A: I've put red! Can you believe that!

Madhavi - I want to see!

*sends photo*

Madhavi: We are so weird... 

A: Hahahaha! Yeah!

A: I am really confused man! I don't know what to take up!
Pavan: You know what you will be really good at?
A: What?
Pavan: Manslaughter. : D
A: Yeah.. who are we kidding, I slice people.

Nimish and I, deciding between a golden neck-piece and a Grey one at a Hidesign Store. 

Nimish - Listen, the golden colour will rub off. 

A: Let's ask the girl there.

Nimish: She gets paid for saying nothing will happen to it, Ever!

A: Hey, is there a possibility for this colour to rub off?

Girl at the store: Ah, yes. But you, you can always go to the jewelery store and get it polished again!

Nimish: Is that right? And where should we take the grey one? TATA STEEL PLANT? 

How I met Ismails good friend Dhiren:

Ismail: Dhiren. this is Bitch, Bitch, Dhiren. 

A: Hey Dhiren, so nice to finally meet you! Asswipe has told me so much about you!

Aditya (a.k.a Monu): You know Avu, you really are one of a kind!

At sports bar:

Foreigner smiles at me, I smile back. He smiles again. 

Ismail: Yeh saale Firang! Aa jaate hain mooh uthake hamari ladkiyon pe line maarne!

(This goes on for about 10 minutes. Lots of hindi gaalis included.)

Foreigner: Excuse me?

Ismail (smiles): Yes?

Foreigner: Mereko hindi aata hai.

A: Bwwaaahahahahahahaha!

Pavan : What are you doing kid?
A: Kid hoga tera baap!
Pavan: And then you wonder why I call you kid!

KP: Isne ek baar mein baat maan li! Yeh hamari Avanika nahi ho sakti!


Anurag: Nayak nahi.. Khalnayak hun main!
A: ?

Neha: So much work man! My life is pissing me off!
A: There there.
Neha: Dude, kuch kar yaar! I need some gossip!
A: Hahaha! Me too!

(Right after Ismail punched a guy on the street)
A: Whoa! You are in a violent mood!
Ismail: Yeah, You should go.
A: What! Me? Why me?!
Ismail: Who do you think drives me the most crazy?
A: ....... ...... TAXI!

A: Okay, since we are going to be friends now, you should know, I can't make a decision. Cannot decide between two places to go, cannot even place an order from the menu!
Madhvi: Oh crap, me too!
*we walk into the ATM. I pool out money*
Madhvi: How much should I get? How much! How much! Where are we going? Should I take out 500? Or 400? Or more? Are we going to shop again? Tell no! 500 will do? Or 400? Or maybe a 1000 or something? I have to give you! And then if we go to sports bar?
A: 400! Just take 400!
Madhvi: But what if we shop again? Then I will have no money! Listen, tell me fast! Now you see just HOW BAD I am at deciding! Oh, no!
A: What?
Madhvi: I forgot to enter my pin..
A: That stupid ant from the screen bit me! :O
Madhvi: How the hell did it even reach your hand to begin with! :O

A: Listen! This was really not my fault!
KP: I am not saying it was your fault, I am just blaming you.
A: But why!
KP: I like to irritate you like that. : D
*punch*
KP: Ow! What was that for?!
A: I like to punch you like that. : D

Pavan: It's strange! I am really impatient these days! You sound like my mom!
A: That Is strange! Between the two of us, I am the impatient one and you are the one with motherly instincts!  Is everything okay? Are you eating and shitting alright?
Pavan: Yep, Sure I am. And thanks for making me sound so gay.

*After falling down three times in a row*
A: You should know, I am clumsy, I fall down a lot.
Megha: Oh, I noticed!


A: Listen, I am clumsy and I go mumbo jumbo on the road, so if I fall down in a really crazy manner and you keep walking like you don't know me, it's okay, really. Let's just decide where to meet after, say 5 minutes?
Madhvi: Haha! Shut up you idiot!

(My good friend Saurabh Todi a.k.a Todi almost got suspended from the college because he was caught playing with the planks on the camera by the construction department. After two hours of pure torture Todi walks into the class)
A: Ssup todi? How was your day? : D
Todi: Don't be mean okay.
A: Aw, okay.. I know just the right thing to cheer you up! Let's play cricket! I'll bowl, you can bat! Here, use this plank!
(Naman, Monu, Ashish and I - *ROFL*)
Todi: Go to hell guys!

The Bestie Code 3.

In continuation with:

Bestie code 1: On matters relating to Purchase Behavior
Bestie code 2: On matters relating to Sharing Behavior

Article C: On matters relating to Personal Relationships.

Section 1.
(i)  A bestie must never date her bestie's Ex-boyfriend/ crush, Boyfriend/ crush, Prospective boyfriend/ crush without her bestie's prior consent. If she does so, she is not protected for any violent behavior by her bestie as per the law(of bestie code)

(ii) Under the circumstances where the bestie is good friends with both Bestie and her boyfriend and where both are equally at fault, a bestie must always take her besties side.

(iii) A bestie must always say, 'Yes' to the question, "Was(Is) she(her bestie) with you?". She must then immediately call her up and find out where on earth she really is.

(iv) A bestie must always be prepared for getting fired by her besties mother. Note - 'With Partners in Crime, come Partners in Ass-whoop'

(v) A bestie must never try to be better friends with her besties friends.

(vi) A bestie must at least make 5 attempts to get along with her besties guy. If a difference of opinion still persists, she must never ask her bestie to choose between the two. Such behavior is regarded as abuse of power.

(vii) A bestie must never(even by mistake) try to sabotage her besties relationship. However, if the bestie has good reasons to believe that the guy is a tool, she can do so, within permissible limits.

(viii) In the event of a bad break-up, a bestie is allowed the beat the shit out of her bestie's ex.
A bad break can be defined as one where the boy cheated on her bestie and/or emotionally tortured her into breaking up with him.

(ix) A bestie could be a sister to her bestie's sister.

(x) A bestie must never get drunk/ go to movies with her besties boyfriend alone.

(xi) With respect to subsection (x), however, if the bestie has known this boy (and has been friends with him) since before the commencement of the relationship, she is allowed to do so, but must notify her bestie about the same.

(xii) A bestie must never cancel an already existing plan with her bestie, to go out with her boyfriend and vice versa.

(xiii) Finally, a bestie must always have a clear knowledge about the extent to which she can participate in her besties personal life to avoid any discomfort between the two.