Now one thing that is really common on the roads of Mumbai these days is the existence of petite ( or absolutely obese - its always an extreme) little boys wearing jeans so low that every time I come across one I have an urge to step my foot down on the damn pair and embarrass the guy who's probably wearing an under pant with the U.S.A flag on it, layers of loose t-shirts which is probably bought from the ALL-SIZE store, weird hand gestures which nobody cares to understand, annoying blings, weird caps and flashy shoes which can make the rainbow sob with inferiority. All hail for the 'NIGGERS' [more commonly known as NIGGAS or wiggers (white niggers)] take a bow, take a bow.
You will find them driving cars with ears popping music systems (which is probably their mother's car), looking like absolute retards with their front seats pushed back and playing 'music' which is just NOISE ( my friend Varun Bobhate will vouch for me here) lacking rhythm and probably all that makes sense, having flashy lights under their cars and blings all over them.
The question is, why do these people who come from well mannered, respectable, and probably conservative families decide to dress and behave to kill. And they are rather proud of their abstinence from decent dressing and vocabulary. And there is no answer to their strange and extremely illogical behaviour to this date. Tch.
And mother of all that is evil what is with this show called 'Yo mamma'. For all those who haven't seen it, it airs on VH1 a channel that I so liked and is about affronting the mothers of the participants. It is fun to watch for the first 20 seconds after which it gets plain ugly. And some of the 'mommas' have the courage to support their kids while they are AT IT, standing next to them and smiling as they blissfully blow their image so much that a little part in them dies every time a comment comes up. I mean, take a look around you morons. Look at them. There is a holocaust going on inside your mother right now, this very moment.
What I cannot seem to understand is the raging popularity of the show. Now, I do not say you are a moron if you like them. But personally I dislike it more so because I see no sense in it.
I mean 'yo mama so stupid she sat on the TV and watched the sofa' or, 'yo mama so ugly she went to cook and the rice went no! no!'. SERIOUSLY? YOU GUYS HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
Mothers from all over the world unite to fight against it. No, seriously.
And the guys (NIGGERS) who picture themselves standing next to hot dusky babes with their trash talking, try talking to me like that once. It will probably be the last thing you say.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Them Idiots!
Guys are stupid. They are nice, but stupid!
Anyway my friend just had a horrible fight with her guy for an absurd reason. I think her guy is just too stupid to function.
And I will not want to take any names here, yet here are a few little something all you guys reading this article should understand (more so because you will probably have to live with it), also this is mainly in context with my friend, me and the other girls who might be similar to us. I am not generalising it.
1. We do not mind you playing games as long as you don't call us out for a walk so that YOU can play on OUR cellphones.
2. Most of the girls can express their love but some just cannot. My friend and I fall under this category. So just because we don't say we love you that often, it doesn't mean we really don't. You mean a lot and don't expect us to say it over and over again. (ARE YOU LISTENING?!)
3. When we do something to look good and you see the difference, COMPLIMENT. It makes the effort worth it. :)
4. Next time you get an urge to say something stupid which can lead to an argument, DON'T.
5. You can check out other girls as much as you want. Now here's the tricky part, if we do not say anything to you its not because we don't care, its because we trust you so don't get pissed. And if we DO say something, its not because we doubt your intentions but its because we think YOU will like it.
6. We are not the sweet girly type and we are well aware of it. But remember that you liked us because we were a little crazy and freaky, remember that every time you think we are too disgraceful for a girl. (now this one applies quite a lot for me, I love to punch, chase stray dogs who bark at my car and dump the clutch around them, I love locating constellations, finding the entire Zodiac belt is what I am vying for, so count on me for not being romantic on a starry night and yes, I like to ride bikes even if I have fallen like a zillion times. LIVE WITH IT. PLEASE.)
7. When we say we are fine, we are not. that IS true. NOW, at this point I have come across some misleading mails that say 'When she says she's fine, she's not, talk to her". DON'T do that. Leave us alone and we will get back to being our crazy selves.
8. At most times we are not interested in the movies you like and the games you play, so when you are talking about it and we are looking around, and you GET that we are bored, don't avoid our gestures. Please stop. Us asking you to stop can again lead to an argument. And we will have the last laugh, most of the times.
9. Throwing mindless spastic scenes of jealousy are attempts of stabbing yourself.
10. We don't care how rich you are, as long as you are funny, well mannered, chew with your mouth closed and do not fart in public. Glam watches are not cool, they are Lame, it's only for the time, what's the fuss all about? Do not wear sunglasses in a mall in the evening even if they are from Prada.
That's it for now I guess.I'll add more as they come across. Which, they will.
Anyway my friend just had a horrible fight with her guy for an absurd reason. I think her guy is just too stupid to function.
And I will not want to take any names here, yet here are a few little something all you guys reading this article should understand (more so because you will probably have to live with it), also this is mainly in context with my friend, me and the other girls who might be similar to us. I am not generalising it.
1. We do not mind you playing games as long as you don't call us out for a walk so that YOU can play on OUR cellphones.
2. Most of the girls can express their love but some just cannot. My friend and I fall under this category. So just because we don't say we love you that often, it doesn't mean we really don't. You mean a lot and don't expect us to say it over and over again. (ARE YOU LISTENING?!)
3. When we do something to look good and you see the difference, COMPLIMENT. It makes the effort worth it. :)
4. Next time you get an urge to say something stupid which can lead to an argument, DON'T.
5. You can check out other girls as much as you want. Now here's the tricky part, if we do not say anything to you its not because we don't care, its because we trust you so don't get pissed. And if we DO say something, its not because we doubt your intentions but its because we think YOU will like it.
6. We are not the sweet girly type and we are well aware of it. But remember that you liked us because we were a little crazy and freaky, remember that every time you think we are too disgraceful for a girl. (now this one applies quite a lot for me, I love to punch, chase stray dogs who bark at my car and dump the clutch around them, I love locating constellations, finding the entire Zodiac belt is what I am vying for, so count on me for not being romantic on a starry night and yes, I like to ride bikes even if I have fallen like a zillion times. LIVE WITH IT. PLEASE.)
7. When we say we are fine, we are not. that IS true. NOW, at this point I have come across some misleading mails that say 'When she says she's fine, she's not, talk to her". DON'T do that. Leave us alone and we will get back to being our crazy selves.
8. At most times we are not interested in the movies you like and the games you play, so when you are talking about it and we are looking around, and you GET that we are bored, don't avoid our gestures. Please stop. Us asking you to stop can again lead to an argument. And we will have the last laugh, most of the times.
9. Throwing mindless spastic scenes of jealousy are attempts of stabbing yourself.
10. We don't care how rich you are, as long as you are funny, well mannered, chew with your mouth closed and do not fart in public. Glam watches are not cool, they are Lame, it's only for the time, what's the fuss all about? Do not wear sunglasses in a mall in the evening even if they are from Prada.
That's it for now I guess.I'll add more as they come across. Which, they will.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Them Idiots #2!
Here is what men look for in their lady-love:
1. Should have a sexy body
1. Should have a warm smile
1. Should not ask questions
1. Should not demand too much
1. Should have Just the right amount of make up on
1. Should not even as much as Look at other men
1. Must be well spoken
1. Should be able to talk about almost everything
1. Should be hotter than their friends' girlfriends
1. Must cook like their mother
1. Should be open minded, and when the lady does get open minded, *OMG! My girl is a slut!*
1. Should dress well, almost always.
1. Should Not put on weight.
Here's what women want in their Love.
1. Chew with your mouth shut and don't fart in public.
Now here's the irony.
Men:
1. Tend to gain weight all the time, given that they eat like a cow.
1. Warm smile, sure, just without stuff in your mouth.
1. Wants to know where their girl is, almost all the time! The one's that say they don't are pathetic liars.
1. Don't even care to shave at most times. So much for the right make-up.
1. Will stare and even flirt with every second woman that crosses their path.
1. "You want a hottie huh? SLUT!"
1. Can Only talk about sports and money, at times, Not even that.
1. Would have Never in their lives helped their mothers cook, or have done Any chore for that matter.
1. Are hypocrites, they say, tell us what you want, and when you do speak out, my god, look at you! You demanding bitch!
1. 'We can't think emotionally', whatever happens to That when they over think and get jealous on almost everything.
1. Believe that when they talk share markets, women don't understand. They don't realise:
a. We probably know more than you. But we listen.
b. We don't want to rip you off your manhood.
And they still won't chew with their mouths closed and fart in public, because they are men! And that's the way the cookie crumbles for them. Take it or leave it.
When they say they want space, it's because we do not let them live in solitude. It's our fault.
When we say we want space, they get drunk and make out with other women. "You said you wanted space! It's all your fault"
And THEN, they will talk about how woman are confusing, and how woman are demanding.
Here's the deal big boys, We are not confused, You are weird. We just try to catch up and deal with it.
P.S. All the points are marked '1.' on purpose.
1. Should have a sexy body
1. Should have a warm smile
1. Should not ask questions
1. Should not demand too much
1. Should have Just the right amount of make up on
1. Should not even as much as Look at other men
1. Must be well spoken
1. Should be able to talk about almost everything
1. Should be hotter than their friends' girlfriends
1. Must cook like their mother
1. Should be open minded, and when the lady does get open minded, *OMG! My girl is a slut!*
1. Should dress well, almost always.
1. Should Not put on weight.
Here's what women want in their Love.
1. Chew with your mouth shut and don't fart in public.
Now here's the irony.
Men:
1. Tend to gain weight all the time, given that they eat like a cow.
1. Warm smile, sure, just without stuff in your mouth.
1. Wants to know where their girl is, almost all the time! The one's that say they don't are pathetic liars.
1. Don't even care to shave at most times. So much for the right make-up.
1. Will stare and even flirt with every second woman that crosses their path.
1. "You want a hottie huh? SLUT!"
1. Can Only talk about sports and money, at times, Not even that.
1. Would have Never in their lives helped their mothers cook, or have done Any chore for that matter.
1. Are hypocrites, they say, tell us what you want, and when you do speak out, my god, look at you! You demanding bitch!
1. 'We can't think emotionally', whatever happens to That when they over think and get jealous on almost everything.
1. Believe that when they talk share markets, women don't understand. They don't realise:
a. We probably know more than you. But we listen.
b. We don't want to rip you off your manhood.
And they still won't chew with their mouths closed and fart in public, because they are men! And that's the way the cookie crumbles for them. Take it or leave it.
When they say they want space, it's because we do not let them live in solitude. It's our fault.
When we say we want space, they get drunk and make out with other women. "You said you wanted space! It's all your fault"
And THEN, they will talk about how woman are confusing, and how woman are demanding.
Here's the deal big boys, We are not confused, You are weird. We just try to catch up and deal with it.
P.S. All the points are marked '1.' on purpose.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Shaadi in Dilli. :D
I have just stepped into my house. Well for those who didn't know (all) I was in Delhi for the past couple of days, for a wedding. I never thought I'd say this for anything remotely close to Delhi, but the wedding was Awesome! It was way more fun than I had imagined it to be. And although I was initially reluctant to go for it (my bestie's birthday was on the same day as the wedding- 9th February, she hates me now), I am glad I did not ditch it last minute!
It was COLD, (" What!!! It's not cold at all!" As someone from Delhi would think, but I am from Mumbai, and anything beneath the normal temperature where you need a jacket is cold for us)
And it was Awesome.
I had to wear a Backless blouse (My sister had warned me against making any alterations to it, no matter how tiny they were). I told her, "Dude, it's cold, and it's Delhi, I don't want people staring lamely". To which she said, "Dude, you are in a wedding, in Delhi, you might as well be the most dressed person in there."
She was right.
My Jiju is from Germany, so he had a lot of German friends. Now, THEY were hilarious! No, they did not have a good sense of humour, they were enough to cause a laugh riot by themselves. If it was a stand up comedy act, all they had to do was to go up there and stand, and they'd take the prize with them. Although they were sweet, and completely awe-struck by each and every ritual (they took pictures of everything, and when I say Everything you believe me!), they had put together, in every bit of sense, a complete 'What-were-you-thinking?' ensemble.
Picture this - German woman, weird looking lehenga , a Jacket and boots. That's damn right. And given that it rained that day, there was mud all over her black boots making her look like a Brinjal rolled in mud. The guys were decently dressed on Sherwanis (and Boots, to kill the mood) yet, nothing stood out as much as the woman wearing a lehenga, jacket, boots, weird bangles, who walked around lifting her lehenga higher than the knees, all the while. Now, you know what I meant when I said, hilarious.
Anyway, everyone from the guy's side was very nice! And I loved the father of the groom! He was sweetest, fun loving old man, I have met off late, and he got totally gambolled in my name! It took him a long long while to remember Avanika, so he just settled with Chinu! (Yes, that's my ridiculously humiliating nick name. Thank the fact that my hindi rashi is Pisces. Although, you all must know, I am a TRUE Virgo.)
Anyway.
But the Best part of the wedding has to be the 'joote churai' rasm.
Now, right before the feras, the younger brother of the Groom, came over to me and in every bit, Challenged me.
Here's how the conversation went:
Ankur- I am assuming you will be stealing the shoes then.
Me (With the most confident look on my face)- Absolutely.
Ankur- Confident? Or over confident?
Me- Confident.
Ankur- Well, good luck then.
Me- Oh, you need it more than I do.
And obviously, the moment he turned around and walked away, first thing I did was turn to my cousin and say, "Oh crap! Now if we don't find the shoes, it's gonna be so fucking humiliating! :D
At the time of the feras, I think everybody was more interested in the shoes than in the feras. When I finally got hold of the shoes (that were hidden beneath a stack of mattresses and blankets, with a kid sitting on top of it all), the father of the groom(the cute fun loving old man!) yelled, "Arrey! She has got the shoes!! Catch her!!" to the amazement of the pandit, the bride and his Son.
Rofl.
Next thing I knew, I had a parade of groom's bothers running behind me for the shoes. They couldn't catch up with me. Of course. *flicks collar up*
I threw one of the shoes in the direction of the other salis and there's a stampede. Four girls snatching it away like a piece of meat that is thrown right in the centre of four hungry lionesses. (the german guys taking a million pictures of the same, NOT very graceful, it was)I ran with the other in the opposite direction. Wore it, and sat snuggled up in a stack of blankets in a way that nobody could as much as touch me after that.
And then came the 'taking the reward' part where Ankit (groom) almost ritually began with a hundred bucks (some of us went rofl outright while some in the head) and ended up paying a BOMB.
Let's just say, we came back home Rich. Muhahahaha.
:D
Now, obviously, even if we hadn't managed to find the shoes, we would have got back home rich. Pretty girls in saree with a sad face won't melt everyone's heart- You think!! :D
Of course, the groom's brother was taken aback. I smiled at him smugly and all that he could manage to say was "Good confidence".
To which I replied, "Thank you. Hmph" and walked away.
:D
The bitch that I am.
And then, the usual worst part- Bidai. I am not taking about that.
All in all a great wedding! I am missing Kaushik uncle (groom's father) already! I wish I would have been a little nicer to Ankur(Groom's borther).Mini and Ankit (bride and groom) make one hell of a pair and I got to meet my sister! Yaay!
P.S. I was hoping a bitch-fight breaks out, but it didn't. Next wedding maybe.
It was COLD, (" What!!! It's not cold at all!" As someone from Delhi would think, but I am from Mumbai, and anything beneath the normal temperature where you need a jacket is cold for us)
And it was Awesome.
I had to wear a Backless blouse (My sister had warned me against making any alterations to it, no matter how tiny they were). I told her, "Dude, it's cold, and it's Delhi, I don't want people staring lamely". To which she said, "Dude, you are in a wedding, in Delhi, you might as well be the most dressed person in there."
She was right.
My Jiju is from Germany, so he had a lot of German friends. Now, THEY were hilarious! No, they did not have a good sense of humour, they were enough to cause a laugh riot by themselves. If it was a stand up comedy act, all they had to do was to go up there and stand, and they'd take the prize with them. Although they were sweet, and completely awe-struck by each and every ritual (they took pictures of everything, and when I say Everything you believe me!), they had put together, in every bit of sense, a complete 'What-were-you-thinking?' ensemble.
Picture this - German woman, weird looking lehenga , a Jacket and boots. That's damn right. And given that it rained that day, there was mud all over her black boots making her look like a Brinjal rolled in mud. The guys were decently dressed on Sherwanis (and Boots, to kill the mood) yet, nothing stood out as much as the woman wearing a lehenga, jacket, boots, weird bangles, who walked around lifting her lehenga higher than the knees, all the while. Now, you know what I meant when I said, hilarious.
Anyway, everyone from the guy's side was very nice! And I loved the father of the groom! He was sweetest, fun loving old man, I have met off late, and he got totally gambolled in my name! It took him a long long while to remember Avanika, so he just settled with Chinu! (Yes, that's my ridiculously humiliating nick name. Thank the fact that my hindi rashi is Pisces. Although, you all must know, I am a TRUE Virgo.)
Anyway.
But the Best part of the wedding has to be the 'joote churai' rasm.
Now, right before the feras, the younger brother of the Groom, came over to me and in every bit, Challenged me.
Here's how the conversation went:
Ankur- I am assuming you will be stealing the shoes then.
Me (With the most confident look on my face)- Absolutely.
Ankur- Confident? Or over confident?
Me- Confident.
Ankur- Well, good luck then.
Me- Oh, you need it more than I do.
And obviously, the moment he turned around and walked away, first thing I did was turn to my cousin and say, "Oh crap! Now if we don't find the shoes, it's gonna be so fucking humiliating! :D
At the time of the feras, I think everybody was more interested in the shoes than in the feras. When I finally got hold of the shoes (that were hidden beneath a stack of mattresses and blankets, with a kid sitting on top of it all), the father of the groom(the cute fun loving old man!) yelled, "Arrey! She has got the shoes!! Catch her!!" to the amazement of the pandit, the bride and his Son.
Rofl.
Next thing I knew, I had a parade of groom's bothers running behind me for the shoes. They couldn't catch up with me. Of course. *flicks collar up*
I threw one of the shoes in the direction of the other salis and there's a stampede. Four girls snatching it away like a piece of meat that is thrown right in the centre of four hungry lionesses. (the german guys taking a million pictures of the same, NOT very graceful, it was)I ran with the other in the opposite direction. Wore it, and sat snuggled up in a stack of blankets in a way that nobody could as much as touch me after that.
And then came the 'taking the reward' part where Ankit (groom) almost ritually began with a hundred bucks (some of us went rofl outright while some in the head) and ended up paying a BOMB.
Let's just say, we came back home Rich. Muhahahaha.
:D
Now, obviously, even if we hadn't managed to find the shoes, we would have got back home rich. Pretty girls in saree with a sad face won't melt everyone's heart- You think!! :D
Of course, the groom's brother was taken aback. I smiled at him smugly and all that he could manage to say was "Good confidence".
To which I replied, "Thank you. Hmph" and walked away.
:D
The bitch that I am.
And then, the usual worst part- Bidai. I am not taking about that.
All in all a great wedding! I am missing Kaushik uncle (groom's father) already! I wish I would have been a little nicer to Ankur(Groom's borther).Mini and Ankit (bride and groom) make one hell of a pair and I got to meet my sister! Yaay!
P.S. I was hoping a bitch-fight breaks out, but it didn't. Next wedding maybe.
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