Quotable quotes from my life:

Ismail - Dude, I am hungry, kuch khane ko lana.
Me (A) - Ek spoon le and eat your ass.
Ismail - You know, I will make the best sandwich In the World and name it after you. I’ll call it, ’The Bitch-Burger’

(Varun went out of scene for a very long time, no calls, no messages, nothing)
A- Yaar, tune desh chod diya bataya nahi.
Varun- Haan yaar, kya batun, is desh mein rakha kya hai mere liye. Kaun hai mera yahaan??
A- Paka mat chal.
Varun- Chalu kisne kiya. :/

Kushi - Nobody cares about me, nobody loves me, I am crying, nobody sees my tears.
A- :/
Kushi - See, you are giving me a face, even you don’t care about me
A- :/
Kushi- I have nothing left in the world to do, sob sob sob.. I wrote sob thrice.. And Still nobody cares
A- :/
Kushi- Dude, I am really bored.
A- I figured.

Alkash (to me)- Aur gabbar, kaisa chal raha hai tera samrajya??

Eshank - Dude, any guy who has a crush on you should talk to you for five minutes and he wont ask you out.
A - Haw, That bad?
Eshank - No, it's just that you will have such a big "F*CK OFF!!" written all over your face, he wouldn't have the guts to.

A- Dude, you are my buddy, you know that right?
Neha- Huh? What happened to you?! Bol kis Ch***** ki chita jalane ka time aaya hai!
A - What!? *rofl*

A- She asked him to suggest her a gift for Valentines. I asked her to get a one tetra byte HDD and a graphic card. What do you think?
Pavan- You know Avan, it’s not that you are Romantically challenged, you are romantically Paralyzed. :\

A- Please, I am more subtle than I have ever been these days.
Sunny - Subtle and you? Please, that's like an elephant trying to look dainty by wearing a tutu.
A- Wait, what! *rofl*

Ismail - Did you finish that file for me?
A - I have Alzheimer, I don’t remember who you are and what you wanted.

A- Dude. :/
Neha- I know. :/

A- Lame joke tha who. Rona aa raha hai mujhe.
Varun - Achcha! Mera goo, goo aur tera goo gulkand!
A- Wait, what!
*rofl*

A - Paka mat chal.
Sooraj - Arrey nahi nahi, milunga main tujhe, haath mein Gulab ka phool liye, kamar lachkate, sharmate, hahahahaha, ULTI ki hogi na tune abhi abhi.

Ismail - Whoaa! Did you get a plastic surgery?
A- I am assuming by that you mean I am looking good today.
Ismail - No I am just asking, did you get a plastic surgery?
A- I am not all that ugly on a usual day you know!
Ismail - I am just asking, did you get a plastic surgery?
A - Well, what can I say, thanks, I guess.
Ismail - No, did you get a plastic surgery?
A- God NO! Stop fucking my brain!
Ismail - Too bad. You should. *XD*
A- :/

A- The weather is so damn awesome today! It’s drizzling, and cold! And it must be breezing like hell at Marine line, so OBVIUOSLY I won’t get a break from work and will be inside the whole day!!!
Neha - There There.

Papa- Tumhari badi dadagiri hai ghar mein haan?
A- Yeh mere BAAP ka ghar hai! Kaun mera kya bigaad lega!?
Papa- :/
A- heheheehhe. *runs inside*

A- (at 2 pm) Dude there is a match today, aaj office ke baad let’s go to Sports Bar.
(at 7 pm) Yaay, my work is done, I am leaving.
Ismail- Huh? What about the Sports Bar plan?
A- Screw that.
Ismail- Yeh tu soye hue sher ko chimti kaatke bhaaga mat kiya kar!!


A- Dude, how was your paper?
Sooraj- It was bad yeah. It was like getting laid without any feelings.

A - So here’s the joke, Commode mein dekha maine behta hua go.. Commode mein dekha maine behta hua goo.. Goo se yaad aaya, yaar kaisi hai tu?
Haan? Haaan? Funny right!
Neha- :/
Kushi- :/
A- Laugh bitches LAUGH!
Neha- :/
Kushi - Fuck off.
A- :(

Ismail - So there, that’s my plan. Now what do you have to say about it Miss ‘I have an opinion on everything’?
A - I am not clear if that’s a good thing when you say it like that.
Ismail - Oh alright, oh alright, let me put it this way, what do you have to say about it you painfully high opinionated bitch?
A - Hmm. Thanks for clearing that up yeah. But Nice try. Gaah! So I think.. :D

Nimish - Pata hai jab hum dono ki shaadi ho jayegi toh ek din we’ll run into each other and I’ll ask you, yeh Navratna tel kiske liye hain? And you will reply, for my husband, he has suddenly gone bald after our marriage.
A - Hmm.. Aur main bolungi, chuck that yeah, tu bata, bhabhi kaisi hain? And you will reply, She is in Coma.
Both- :/
*rofl*

Kushi- Dude, I saw this TV sky ad today. Lol Lol. It was dubbed in Hindi. It goes like this.
“Hi! Mera naam hai Randy”
Nimish, Sneha, Me - *Paaahahahahahahahahahahhahaha*

A - I got a new system!! 21” screen, 500 GB internal memory, 4GB Ram, core to duo processor, Graphic card, wireless mouse and keyboard. Yaay!
Siddharth - Great. Ab nariyal phod uspe.

*phone rings*
A- Hello?
D**** - Hey, D**** here, Ismail said you wanted me to call you..
(Now, FYI, this fellow, I am just going to call him D, is Ismail’s friend and he is an ASSHOLE. Male chauvinist pig, passes comments on girls, and all that he can talk about is money. In short, perfect e.g. of a guy that I LOATHE. Like if someone asks me, what category of guys make you want to throw up?, I will say the D category.)
- Next day-
Ismail - Hey.. You got a hard board?
A- Yeah, that’s for you, save your face! You are about to feel some pain!
Ismail - What, why?
A - So D called, said you told him I wanted him to call me, also, that I couldn’t STOP talking about him and his BODY after we met. He asked me if I maybe wanted to go out with him sometime.
Ismail - *rofl* I was really bored. :D
*multiple punches*
A- You-son-of-a-!

A- Yo! Got to hear this at work today, inside news, Ranbir and Deepika broke up.
Kushi- Yeah, I knew about it.
A- Huh? You did?!
Kushi - Yeah, I met Ranbir yesterday, he was telling me, I can’t do without you Kushi, I am madly in love with you..I can leave the world for you.. Yeh ladka bhi na. Tch”.
A- :/
Kushi- :D

Anurag - I wrote a short story, you want to hear?
A - No.
Anurag- It’s called, ‘If pigs could fly’
A- Wait What! *rofl*

A - Papa, I have to go out, thode paise do na.
Papa - Yeh lo paanch rupaye, jaao aish karo.
A - :/
Papa - :D
A - :/
Papa - :D
A -:/
Papa - Oh alright! How much do you need?

A - You know what, I am not gonna speak with you now.
Ismail - Haha, Yes!
(after five minues)
Ismail - Okay, enough already. Talk now.
….
I will let you punch me and I won’t punch you back.
…..
I will do your work..
…..
(long breath) I will listen to your jokes, and Laugh.
A - Yeah, so I was saying.. :D

A- I will ride this Damn bike today come what may!!!
Rohan - Please god, please get me out of this alive.

A- Sunny, I am a girl! Give me some credit!
Sunny- No you are not! You are just the gayest guy ever!

Ismail - So you think she likes me?
A - Dude, yeah! She was all Over you! She was like the moss and you were the stone!
Ismail - You are sick. BTW, I know she likes me, I wanted you to see how she gets all over me. Hehehe.
A - It’s funny when you call ME sick.

More to come, as I remember them.