As FIFA goes on, there are two things, that I have realized.
There are a Lot of boys who know nothing about Football. Some of them are man enough to say, “Dude, I am not really into football that much, so I don’t know what you are talking about”. I am very appreciative of them. And no, I don’t think anybody would judge them for not being into football. And then there is the second category of boys, who know nothing abut football, but are Pretentious Douchebags who would question me ("A girl, who knows about football! Whooa!" And then some suspicious looks are the reactions I generally get).
Every time I come across such dorks, I have the same reaction. It starts with ‘ : | ’ and ends with ‘ : ) ’
Let me explain the contradicting reactions. Whenever being looked down as a suspicious poser or whenever I come across guys who fall under the category of Pretentious Douchebags (PD), my first immediate reaction is a straight face. And then my thoughts say the exact same thing every time.
It goes like this. “Aww look at you, with your batshit knowledge about football. We both know that you probably know as much about football as a cow, but you feel that there is a lot of ‘peer pressure’ on you to like it. You probably don’t even like beer and honestly, all that you want to do is go home, lock the doors, and try on that cute pink dress mommy made for your sister. But you’d rather just stand here, question me and make a fool of yourself. Let me let you bask in the glory of your retard-ness.
And by the end of it, I can’t help but smirk. Hence the : )
: | ………………………..: )
And that thought process repeats every time there is a pause between my straight face and the smile.
Anyway, allow me to help with a few examples for better understanding. All the below mentioned Ds stand for Dorks/ Douche bags/ Dumasses, whatever you wish to read them as. Suit yourself.
Me: Dude! FIFA is here!
D: What do You know about Football?
Me: : |
D: Kabhi dekha hai kya game?
Me: : |
D: Lol, okay, which are the teams you like?
Me: : |. I have a soft corner for England because it has a lot of my favorite players, that being said, I’d love for Argentina or Spain to win. Which team do you support?
D: I like England too.
Me: Which is your favorite player in the English team?
D: CHRISTIANO RONALDO.
Me: : |……………………………: )
D: You like Football? What is an Off-side?
Me: : | ……………………… : )
Now, here is the thing. One of the easiest ways to find out that a boy is a PD is if he asks you about the Off-Side rule. Here’s why. They probably don’t get it themselves, but they have heard about it from football fans or Read on Facebook discussions about this rule, and they think it’s cool to ask this question for them to fit in. I bet at most times, they are just looking for the answer to what it really is themselves.
How do you know a person is a true football fan? Tell them you are into it, and they don’t Care if you are a boy or a girl, their first reaction would probably be - “Yeah baby!” Or “Let’s watch the finals together dude! We can bet on it, even!” And there first questions would probably include, which team or teams do you support? Or who is your favorite player?
Moving on…
Me: Dude, I can’t come out. Match today.
D: You watch football! :O Oh really?!
Me: : |
D: Tell me when there is a match between England and Argentina.
Me: Erm.. They are not in the same group.
D: What group?!
Me: : | ……………………… : )
Me: So which team are you supporting at FIFA this year?
D: Manchester United.
Me: : | ………………………… xD
D: You know about football?
Me: : |
D: Ever played it, LOL.
Me: : |
D: Achcha what position?
Me: Mid-fielder, left wing. You?
D: Arrey main toh gali ka football khelta hoon.
Me: : | ……………… : )
Me: FIFA! FIFA!
D: What do you know about FIFA?
Me: : |. What do You know about FIFA?
D: Ask me anything!
Me: What does it stand for?
D: *silence*
Me: : |………………….: )
D: Is Chritiano Ronaldo not playing this year? I did not see him in the match yesterday!
Me: Which match?
D: England Vs. USA
Me: : |……………………. : )
Will add more as they come by. And THAT, they will.
